Could It be My Fault: A Short Prose

"I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit I'm just the same as I was..."

"It's Time"

So this is what you meant
When you said that you were spent
And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit
Right to the top
Don't hold back
Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check

I don't ever wanna let you down
I don't ever wanna leave this town
'Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

So this is where you fell
And I am left to sell
The path to heaven runs through miles of clouded hell
Right to the top
Don't look back
Turning the rags and giving the commodities a rain check

I don't ever wanna let you down
I don't ever wanna leave this town
'Cause after all
This city never sleeps at night

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

This road never looked so lonely
This house doesn't burn down slowly
To ashes, to ashes

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am

Gelak Tawa

Kami sedang membicarakan wawancara yang akan kami ikuti sebagai prasyarat memasuki organisasi.
"Iya kayanya aku juga pengen ikut deh."
"Yuk ikut aja." Jawabku.
"Tapi kayanya aku mah versi KW, Jen. Hahaha."
"Hahaha ada-ada aja versi KW, emangnya sepatu."
"Iya paling ntar pas wawancara, tiap ditanya aku jawabnya 'Hehe nggak tau teh, itu apa ya teh, kasih tau dong teh. Hehe hehe.'"
"Hahaha."
Sore itu, dengan hal-hal garing semacam itu kami sudah tertawa geli dan mungkin mengganggu kamar sebelah karena suara kami keras sekali. Kami berbincang selama berjam-jam. Membicarakan berbagai hal konyol. Tiba-tiba aku teringat akan malam itu. Malam dimana aku ikut berkumpul bersama teman-teman kosnya. Malam dimana aku mendengar gelak tawa lepasnya disertai kegilaannya untuk pertama kalinya.

Dia yang tertawa lepas di malam itu adalah teman dekatku. Sebut saja namanya Bunga. Bunga yang kukenal sebelum malam itu adalah Bunga yang tenang, berwibawa, lembut, sopan, santun, dan sangat berhati-hati dalam bicara. Namun di malam itu, di depan teman-teman satu kosnya, dia menunjukkan sisi cacatnya. Meledek teman-temannya, diledek balik, tertawa terbahak-bahak, melontarkan lelucon absurd, mengutarakan hayalan gilanya, semua sisi cacatnya. Akupun bertanya-tanya, mengapa ia tidak pernah seperti itu didepanku. Apa mungkin kami masih kaku? Apa mungkin kami masih belum membuka diri? Apa mungkin kami tidak sedekat kelihatannya? Sepertinya aku menjawab iya untuk semua pertanyaan itu.

Sebelumnya, aku sering kali menceritakan hal-hal yang sangat lucu, namun Bunga hanya memandangiku sambil tersenyum semi melongo. (Ya begitulah, mulut terbuka, gigi atas terlihat namun tidak menempel pada gigi bawah. Lalu mata terlihat datar. Semi melongo kan? Tapi sudut bibir tertarik ke samping atas, jadi bisa dibilang tersenyum juga.) Padahal ada temanku yang tertawa lepas sampai lima detik ditambah gerakan pundak dan tangan yang heboh ketika mendengar cerita itu.

Aku mengingat lagi percakapan kami berdua tentang wawancara di kamarnya yang garing namun membuat kami tertawa keras. Aku bertanya lagi, apakah kami mulai membuka diri.

Pertanyaanku muncul lagi di keesokan harinya, di siang hari tepatnya. Ketika teman-teman lain mengipas-ngipasi wajahnya dengan buku karena kepanasan, ketika teman-teman lain bersandar di sandaran kursi karena lelah maupun ngantuk, Bunga malah mengajakku ngobrol dengan semangat. Matanya berbinar-binar dan kecepatan bicaranya bertambah. Selain membicarakan soal wawancara yang telah membuat kami tertawa keras di sore hari itu, kami juga membicarakan teman sekelas kami. Kami tidak membicarakannya di belakang, kami juga sesekali memanggilnya untuk menceritakan lelucon kami tentang dirinya. Kami tertawa lepas. Kami terlihat paling berenergi dikelas. Kami pun sesekali melambai seperti kebanyakan gadis ketika bercanda. (Yaa begitulah, sikap manja para gadis ketika sedang bergurau. Mendorong pundak, lendot sana, lendot sini, kadang memukul pula jika terlampau geli mendengar lelucon.)

Akupun tidak bertanya-tanya lagi.

Tea, Coffee, and Sugar (synopsis)

Tea, coffee, and sugar are the things introduced by my parents. It has been many years that I always see my father drinks tea in the evening and my mother drinks coffee in the midday. When I was a child, mom used to make two cup of tea. One for dad, another for me. At that time, mom also introduced her taste of tea, including intensity of the flavor and measurement of sugar. After that introduction had transformed into habituation, another introduction happened. Introduction to coffee happened when I have been ready for more caffeine. In the same way with tea, mom’s taste of coffee stuck on my tongue.

Mom always adds four teaspoons of sugar to a cup of tea. Mom will say it’s less sweet, if she tastes a cup of tea with three teaspoons of sugar. It might be not her own taste. Her parents probably also habituated that. Until she moved to her new house, she still brought her standard of sweet. Even until now, she always serves very sweet tea to a guest. It could be acceptable in Yogyakarta. Her neighbors and her friends perhaps have the same standard of sweet. Contrary to them, our neighbors in Jakarta have various tastes. Few neighbors can accept very sweet tea, the others cannot.

Contrary to mom, dad has changed his taste of tea. Mom told me a story that granny used to serve light and less sugar tea (even sometimes without sugar) and dad liked it. Then, he has new family and he didn’t mind to start drinking the opposite taste of tea.

Even when mom is not at home, dad asks me to make dark and sugary tea. I could not understand why he could change his taste. He was born in Tasikmalaya and he grew up in Ciamis. He had tasted light and less sugar tea for many years. How could he change his taste?

Another surprise came when I read granny’s full name on dad’s file. Granny’s name is Raden Roro Sri Kiswati. Granny is Javanese too. Dad also told me that grandpa is also Javanese. Grandpa married granny, moved to Tasikmalaya, and moved again to Ciamis. I guess Javanese woman who lived in Solo was always surrounded by sugary food and drink. It means granny changed her taste since she moved.

That is my family. How about me? Do I have a change of taste? Let’s take a step back. Although mom’s taste stuck on my tongue when I was a child, many places outside my home offered instant tea in the bottle. Every time I ate in a restaurant with my family, I ordered Teh Botol Sostro. It became my favorite drink for several years. Not only in restaurant but also in my friend’s house I drank The Botol Sosro. When I was in Junior High School, there are many group home works. My friend’s parent probably didn’t have time to serve ten cup of tea and serving instant tea could be easier. I saw The Botol Sosro everywhere. I drank it when I went back from school because I used to be exhausted on my way to home. It was also habituation. I also have a change of taste.

The change is not over. I went to Sumedang to get higher education. I cannot buy The Botol Sosro every day, it’s expensive. I go back to loose leaf tea with three spoons of sugar. I do the same measurement of sugar to my cup of coffee until I met my best friend who doesn’t like sugary coffee. My taste changes again.

I drink a cup of tea and a cup of coffee every day. I have my own taste now. Tomorrow, it may be different.

Teman Terbaik

“Kamu punya sahabat?”

“Punya, ini fotonya.”

“Loh, perasaan dia nggak sama kamu terus, dia kan supel gitu. Kalo di kelas juga duduknya nggak sama kamu terus. Oh, kalo di luar kelas dia sama kamu terus ya?”

“Nggak juga.”

“Lah, kalo sering pisah mah bukan sahabat lagi dong? Sahabat kan harusnya punya ketertarikan yang sama, terus bareng-bareng terus gitu.”

“Aku nggak tau asal kata ‘sahabat’ itu dari mana, dan arti harfiahnya apa. Aku lebih suka kata best friend daripada sahabat. Best friend berarti teman terbaik. Dan kayaknya buat ngeklaim kalo orang itu teman terbaik, aku nggak perlu konfirmasi dulu. Itu kan penilaian subyektif.”

“Emang kamu nggak sakit hati kalo dia bilang kamu cuma kenalan dia atau Cuma temen sekelas aja?”

“Sakit hati dikit sih paling, tapi ya nggak apa-apa lah, toh itu hak dia buat berpendapat.”

“Iya sih ya.”

Ojeg Dadakan (Lagi)

Kali ini gue bakalan cerita di blog tanpa teknik narasi cerpen. Gue mau cerita ke lo --iya lo yang lagi baca teks ini-- sebagai orang, mungkin temen, yang kebetulan atau sengaja baca blog gue.

Gue heran campur seneng, ternyata ada, bahkan lumayan agak banyak juga orang yang baca blog gue, padahal dia nggak follow blog gue. Mungkin yang nggak follow blog gue tapi baca blog gue itu dia buka twitter gue atau FB gue kali ya, terus ngeklik link ini, mungkin mereka atau lo agak kepo kali ya. Hehehe, bercanda kok. Kalo yang follow blog gue, mungkin liat di dasbor ada postingan baru, jadi pengen baca, terus baca deh.

Stop, gue tau pikiran lo. "Ini kok nggak nyambung sama judul sih?" "Jadi mana cerita tentang ojegnya?" Haha gitu kan yang di pikiran lo? Terus lo ngomong lagi dalem hati, "Sotoy amat!".

Oke mulai deh ceritanya. Kali ini gue nggak salah ngira pria biasa sebagai tukang ojeg kok, tenang. Dan gue mau cerita sesuatu yang mengandung hikmah (bukan Hikmah temen lo), moral value istilah lainnya mah. Ciyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Jenni bijak ciyeeeeeeeeeeeee. (Eh, ini namanya belum mulai cerita ya? Di paragraf selanjutnya gue mulai deh, janji.)

Jadi waktu itu tu malem-malem, abis ujan, gue mau ke klinik Padjadjaran. Dan malem itu nggak ada ojeg, tapi nggak becek. Dan kebetulan, lo tau apa? Pasti tau? Baca judulnya! Ada bapak-bapak naik motor muncul kira-kira satu sampe dua menit setelah gue celingukan cari ojeg.

Gue nggak mau terlalu husnuzaan kalo itu ojeg sambil nanya, "A, Ojeg ya?". Gue sering salah ngira soalnya. Tapi gue tetep berharap bapak-bapak itu ngacungin telunjuk kirinya sambil bilang "Ojeg Neng?". Ok, gue mikir seketika, gimana caranya tu bapak-bapak mau nanyain atau sekedar negor gue. Tu motor jaraknya 20 meter dan dia lagi jalan ke arah gue. Gue liatin terus aja tuh motor, sambil maju mundurin kepala seolah lagi nyari orang atau nunggu orang.

Dan...binggo! Tu bapak-bapak berenti terus nanya gini, "Dari mana Neng?"
"Saya mau keluar Pak, makanya nyari ojeg tapi nggak ada."
"Mau ke mana gitu?"
"Mau ke gerbang, Pak."
"Oh, hayu atuh sama saya aja."
"Lah, nggak apa-apa Pak?"
"Nggak apa-apa lah, ngojek sekali-kali."

Alhamdulillaah, bapak ini ngebantu banget. Dan gue beruntung, dapet ojeg dan nggak harus nunggu lama. Malem gini, apa lagi abis ujan, biasanya nggak akan ada ojeg, dan jalanan pasti sepi. Padahal gue harus ke klinik, dan kalo bener-bener nggak ada ojeg, gue harus jalan kaki. Beruntung lah gue malem itu.

Yaudah, pas udah nyampe, gue kasih dia uang 5000. Biasanya dari wisma Pedca ke gerbang itu cuma 3000, tapi gue emang pengen ngasih segitu. Terus bapaknya bilang ke satpam gerbang, "Mang, aya tukeran receh teu?"
"Teu aya." Jawab satpam gerbang.
"Yaudah pak nggak usah dikembaliin." Gue nyaut.
"Nggak usah?"
"Nggak usah."
"Neng mau sampe sini aja, apa mau keluar, mau ke mana gitu? Kosan temen?"
"Nggak pak, saya mau ke klinik, tapi mau ke ATM dulu."
"Neng teh di Bale?"
"Bukan Pak, wisma Pedca."
"O, yaudah ya Neng ya."
"Iya Pak."

Sebenernya gue mau ke klinik setelah ke ATM, tapi uang gue di dompet tinggal 5.000 coy. Kasian tu bapak-bapak, sampe klinik padjadjaran cuma gue kasih 5.000. Nanti nggak bisa ngasih uang lebih. Padahal gue dapet keberuntungan, masa nggak memberi tanda terima kasih. Lagi pula bapak ini satpam, jadi dia harus lanjut patroli. (Gue nyadar dia satpam setelah liat celana sama sepatu boat nya, pas gue udah turun dari motor.)

Ok, gue mikir dulu, mau jalan kaki jauh menanjak sampe klinik, atau jalan kaki dikit sampe pangkalan ojeg di sebelah tempat jualan koran? Mending jalan ke pangkalan ojeg deh, soalnya badan lagi nggak fit, nanti pasti capek banget kalo jalan kaki sampe klinik.

Gue sampe di pangkalan ojeg dan banyak dari mereka yang baru turun dari ojeg. Itu artinya, mereka sibuk nganter jemput penumpang. Berarti kalo ngasih 50.000 ada kembalinya lah ya.

Ada bapak-bapak nanya, "Ojeg Neng?"
"Iya Pak."
Dan gue pun naik ke motor. Dan nggak sampe lima menit, nyampe.

"Nih Pak."
"Waduh Neng, nggak ada uang kecil?"
"Nggak ada pak?"
"Uang untuk ngembaliin duit Eneng kurang nih, cuma ada 30.000."
"Saya juga nggak ada uang lagi pak."
"Yah, yaudahlaah enggak apa-apa."
Gue pun shock! Masa ada tukan ojeg --beneran ojeg-- sebaik ini? Gue pun nyari di tas, kali aja ada duit receh.
"Eh ini ada Pak, tapi cuma 2000."
"Yaudah Neng nggak apa-apa."
"Makasih ya Pak."

Ya ampun bapak ini baik banget. Kalo satpam atau orang biasa yang jadi ojeg dadakan wajar lah ya baik, niat awal mereka nganterin gue kan nolong, bukan cari uang. Nah ini, tukang ojeg beneran yang niatnya emang cari uang, bisa berubah seketika jadi nolong.

Semoga bapak tukang ojeg ini masuk surga. Aamiin.

Nah, cerita gue udah selesai. Lo dapet hikmah nggak? Bukan Hikmah temen lo ya. Pesan moral. Dapet nggak? Apa pesan moralnya?"

A Cup of Tea

That evening, mom and dad just arrived to grandpa’s house in Banjarsari, Ciamis. She sat after shaking everybody’s hand.

“How is your way? Are you stuck in traffic jam?” Grandpa asked mom.

“No, fortunately the way was not crowded.”

“Thank God. Are you healthy?”

“Yes, I’m healthy. Alhamdulillah.”

“Alhamdulillah, we have to be worry for your trip. Are your parents healthy?”

“Yes, they are also healthy.”

After that opening conversation, granny came bringing some cups of tea.

“Drink it, Yum, long trip makes you exhausted.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Are you still in college? I heard you are five years younger than Tonny.”

“Yes, I’m in Faculty of Law.”

“UII, right?”

“Yes. May I drink the tea?”

“Sure.”

Mom took the cup slowly and swallowed the tea quietly. Mom put the cup and leaned back. She looked at the floor, breathed out and swallowed her saliva. Suddenly, everybody had no words to say so they were thinking about words to say. It felt very long when mom was looking at the floor. And still, no word, quiet.

“Mom, have I tell you story about Yuma’s reading of poem?”

“I think no. What kind of poem?”

“Poem about how much she loves me.”

“Oh, hahaha. And then?”

“I never wrote or read any poem, actually.” Mom interrupted.

“Hahaha. He’s a good liar. I guess you know that.”

Mom smiled. Undeniably, her smile couldn’t hide her teary eyes.

After some conversation, everybody leaved the living room and continued their activities. Mom came to dad.

“Can we talk? Privately”

“Of course.”

They went to garden.

“I think your mom doesn’t like me.” Mom said hesistantly.

“Why?”

“The tea is not sweet. I will be her eldest son’s wife and this is my first visit. Plain tea? What it means?” Mom asked hoarsely.

“Hahaha. Do you know that Sundanese people don’t like sugar?

“Really?”

“Come to every house in this town. You won’t get sweet tea as you expect.”

Mom was getting shy.

“Let’s go back to my home, my mom cooked delicious –less sugar—food for us. And, if you want to rest, my sister has prepared her room for you.”

My mom smiled.